The Hobbit who video tapes himself.

Hey gang!

Per usual I have some really foul debauchery to share with you.

This post derived from a hilarious text message I received back in February.  Get a load of this:

abby_txt

 


Hilarious!  And weird.

But then yesterday I get an update:  The dude got the idea to send her a video of himself jacking off and whispering her name.  OMFG.  Really???

Yeaaa.  Really.

Heads up:  THAT WILL NEVER WORK.

abby_text
(Not sure if you knew this, but if you add “Yackety Sax” to any video it instantly becomes watchable.)

Please enjoy this trainwreck of an @sshole!

Prank calling a douche who left me 5 voicemails in a single day.

So yea, it turns out if you put your google voice number directly in your okcupid profile, it will ring off the hook with hilariously pathetic voicemails and texts ALL DAY!  If you want constant entertainment, DO THAT ISH.

One glorious morning I was quite surprised when I woke up to 4 messages from the same person.  The messages were very short, and didn’t tell me ANYTHING about who was calling.  Here are his suave-to-the-point messages:

Now I was extra interested.  Who is this?  No name.  Just a phone number, and instructions to call him.  Hrmm.  Well, it turns out a contributor friend had setup a fake profile under the name Brigette and was able to figure out who it was.  YES!  Though unfortunately his profile only had a single picture and barely anything in the summary.  Just “ask me”.  Bummer man!

I had to get more out of this guy.  But how?

Then it occured to me:  How would he react if Sue Johanson from ‘Talk Sex with Sue Johanson’ called him.  English is obviously his second language so this should confuse the hell out of him!  How long would he stay on the phone!

Well, here’s how that went: