So I took a trip to Southern California last weekend. It certainly didn’t take long for the douches the realize I was there (thanks OKCupid!!). I received this shortly after arriving. Good times!
I don’t even know where to begin with this dude. Back in early February he wrote me a message telling me he was horny. Of course I gave him my google voice number and told him to call me. He kept calling but never leaving a voicemail. But everyday I would receive a message from him expressing his horniness. Ya know, the typical courting process.
Then one day he worked up the courage to leave me a voicemail. Here is that disaster:
For the next 2 weeks I have been greeted by many messages telling me that he called, and that we needed to get together and f*ck. Oh yay!
Well, he realized his efforts were going unnoticed so he left me this glorious message!
Oh damn. I’m really interested now. So interested that I had my angry boyfriend soundboard give him a call!
Okay, so you’d think he would have realized that he was being f*cked with. But no, here is his immediate response to me via OkCupid:
So yea, it turns out if you put your google voice number directly in your okcupid profile, it will ring off the hook with hilariously pathetic voicemails and texts ALL DAY! If you want constant entertainment, DO THAT ISH.
One glorious morning I was quite surprised when I woke up to 4 messages from the same person. The messages were very short, and didn’t tell me ANYTHING about who was calling. Here are his suave-to-the-point messages:
Now I was extra interested. Who is this? No name. Just a phone number, and instructions to call him. Hrmm. Well, it turns out a contributor friend had setup a fake profile under the name Brigette and was able to figure out who it was. YES! Though unfortunately his profile only had a single picture and barely anything in the summary. Just “ask me”. Bummer man!
I had to get more out of this guy. But how?
Then it occured to me: How would he react if Sue Johanson from ‘Talk Sex with Sue Johanson’ called him. English is obviously his second language so this should confuse the hell out of him! How long would he stay on the phone!
Well, here’s how that went:
I am so happy that the gods of OKCupid descended upon me to share their heavenly nectar in the form of a wonderful voicemail.
This voicemail is a follow-up to his previous 2 voicemails that can be heard here: <– highly recommended.
Okay, so I mentioned before that our new contributor (soon to be announced) called this chronically-wasted dude last week. (we do have a recording of it that I will release soon) I am assuming he is disappointed we haven’t reached back out to him yet. I suppose we will do that later so that we can “get enlightened and some shit”.